More Rain and weeds...

I sorta feel like the rain is still falling around us and weeds keep growing in our garden of life. The saying to learn to dance in rain is a total under statement. I have decided it is more like learning to breath under water!

Trey has major dental surgery coming up on the 30th of this month. The Dr. really has no clue just how many teeth have cavity's and how many metal/silver teeth he needs to put in. Trey refuses x-rays but even I can look at his teeth and cringe at the problems going on in there! The total is somewhere around $2000 for everything this is after insurance pays their share! This will be his second surgery on his teeth...but this one is going involve so much more work. The Dentist is my Dads cousin our grandmas are sisters...so at least I know and trust the Dentist.

I noticed as soon as I started potty training Jayden that her stream of pee was not normal. I kept trying to shrug it off but it kept eating at me. I got her into the same Dr. that performed Trey's penis reconstructive surgery's. He and another lady examined her on Thursday. Jayden needs to have urethra reconstructive surgery on August 19th. What took about 1 hour on Trey will take about 3-5 hours on Jayden because all of her parts are on the inside. She will need a catheters until it heals. They said it is much harder on girls than boys and harder to heal cuz it is all internal. I just stood by the table and I could not contain my tears. I felt them wail up in my eyes then they just silently rolled down my face, while the Dr. talked. He does this procedure about once a year because this condition is very rare in little girls. I thought yah of course it is why would this be normal...

I will be due with a baby 2 weeks before this is done and I am really trying hard to just roll with it and be okay. We have excellent insurance, a great team of Dr.'s, and modern day technology. I know that she is not terminally ill. I just call it a bump in the road. All will be well just another one of those things that will not kill us just make me stronger somehow. I often wonder sometimes...how much stronger do I need to be to keep up with all of the trials continually thrown in our path.

Last week I was eating dinner and was joking about our family medical history...this week not laughing so hard. Yes I joke...
Will has had 6 major surgerys
Wayne 3
Trey 5
Jayden 1
Sage just literally kicked the bucket
baby #6 well lets just pray...

I mean really do other peoples family's have this much fun?

I was thinking about each procedure and the feeling of handing your child over to a nurse in scrubs watching him or her carry your baby into surgery. It has been difficult every single time. I just sit and pray the entire time while I wait helpless in the lobby. I would wonder every time. Why this again? What am I learning during this trial? I learned that it was no big deal. They where healthy and alive, and we had great insurance. It would be okay.

Well then Sage died and I had to hand my perfectly healthy baby over to complete strangers. They did all kinds of things to him and his perfect body. All of those times I had handed my living children off to the Doc was preparing me for Sages death. It made it okay. So as my family prepares for yet 2 more surgery's it will be okay. They will be fine. They will come back home. I have decided that it would be really easy for me to get angry and be mad and say look dude I have had enough but, somehow it has to be okay.

We have other trials going on at this moment as well but I see that the Lord is carefully leading the way and that it will be okay. I see his hand in this other major trial and it will be fine. When I feel ready to talk about it I will share...

I know that in this life all of us can expect to experience heart wrenching moments that try our faith, endurance, and patience. The Lord just wants to know where you will turn when the rain keeps pouring and your in the midst of heartache. I know that when I stand before my Heavenly Father and Savior Jesus Christ I know that I can honestly say I choose to believe that it would okay because no matter the hardship they where in charge and gently leading the way...