I really do not get much of anything done these days. My house is a wreck and that drives me insane. I try everyday to keep up with everything but some days that is just a hopeless pipe dream!
Part of the my problem is every time I feel the baby move or kick. I sit down and I just feel her move. I take the opportunity to enjoy each and every movement of life she gives me. Even at night time I wake up and just lay there feeling each nudge and kick. I sit with tears pouring down my checks thanking my Heavenly Father for this new baby, a new hope, a new life, and restored joy in our home.
My children are just as happy and excited about her arrival. Each one of them are so happy and ask how many more days MOM!! Its hard I am not going to lie. I am terrified to bring a baby home. I worry about everything. I can only imagine how difficult it is going to be leave her alone to sleep to ever go to sleep. Having another baby is a huge test of Faith for me. Faith that I can trust the Lord enough to let her sleep and wake in morning as she should. I am glad Sage did not suffer with illness or accident. I am thankful that I did not have to see him suffer. In my mind I pretend he was an old man that died in his rocking chair peacefully in his sleep. I mean that is how I want to die peacefully in my sleep...
Sometimes you can't help but smile
10 years ago
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10 comments:
I think it's going to take faith on all of our parts...I might have sit beside her bed myself and watch her sleep...or resist the urge to call you super early in the morning every morning just to make sure she woke up. Yet everytime I look at your growing belly I rejoice and have to choke back tears. Very grateful for this little girl that is going to be joining the family soon!
There's a blog I sometimes read, and the mom lost her baby to SIDS about 7 years ago. She didn't have another baby until this past year (I think he just turned a year old) because she was so afraid. And for his first year of life, either she, her husband, or her mom sat up all night watching the baby breathe.
I can't imagine how you must feel. I am sure it is a huge test of faith. But you are a wonderful mother, and you love the Lord so much, and I know you will be fine. Not to say it won't be hard.
I can certainly relate to your fears, as I'm experiencing them myself. Our new little Elisabeth is almost eight months old and I fear for her life quite often. I know too much now not to.
I do a good job sometimes of putting my trust in God, but other times the enemy heightens my fears and tries to take our joy away. It is a constant struggle.
I will tell you though that I have never regretted having another child...she has been more blessing than worry and more joy than fear. I feel blessed to have been able to introduce joy again in the form of a new baby into our house, where our last baby died.
Your new little one will help to continue to heal and bring the family even closer than you would ever think possible. God is so good.
With love and hope,
Cheryl
I'm sure the thought of nighttime can just about make you puke. But I know that there is a machine the hospital can send home with you if you have had a baby die from SIDS before. It is just a breathing monitor and if breathing stops for longer than 10 or 15 seconds an alarm goes off which #1 helps the baby to remember to breathe and #2 alerts you to wake up and check on your sweet babe. That way you can atleast be at peace enough to function and get some rest at night. Ask about it!!
Much love to you and your family. :)
I am so glad you slow down and take the time to enjoy the gift of life and your sweet baby girl! You are such an amazing woman and you continue to inspire me. Can't wait for her arrival! You are an incredible Mother! We are always thinking of you and your family! Lots of Love, The Astons
I agree with Chloe, getting a monitor will give you so much peace of mind. I know someone who bought an Angel care monitor and it saved her son's life. Angel care monitors alarm when the baby stops moving, and my friend Michelle was able to resuscitate baby Blake. He's now a healthy 8 year old.
Crystal,
Thank you for posting on my blog. I am glad (and sorry at the same time) that you found my blog. I'm sure it brought everything to the surface, but hopefully "helps" a little. I have been looking at both blogs today and am amazed with how strong you are. I'm sure that some days are better than others, but you are truly amazing! Sage is beautiful! I couldn't help but sob when I looked at your pictures. I will pray for you and your family that you will continue to feel the Spirit and receive His comfort. I hope that you are able to enjoy the rest of your pregnancy, very exciting to be having another girl! :) Thank you again!
Spencer and Crystal,
Matt and I both worked with your husband back in the Motorola/ON days, we miss him since he left. I heard of the loss of Sage and feel so sad for you both and for your kids, I can't imagine. I have read your blog ever since when Katie sent it to me and have read on your sweet family. After reading your post of sitting and enjoying the movement of your soon arrival I can't help but post this to you. When we had our son, Matt was so concerned about him sleeping at night because he couldn't hear him breathe but with this being my 2nd and Matt's 1st I knew he was ok, but to make a long story short, please invest in the monitor that others have posted about, Angel Care, it is such a blessing and I recommend this monitor to everyone. It detects your babies breathing/movements and after so many seconds of neither it will alarm to wake you, we had a few scares with our son but only because he was up against the absolute edge and it couldn't detect him, Matt was up and out of bed at his side before I could get my feet to the floor. We love this monitor and used it on our little girl too. You will get the reassurance and peace that you need at night knowing your baby is safe. Here are the links to Target and Babies R Us (Babies R Us you can buy in store) where you can purchase the monitor at and will be well worth it! Please know you and your family are always in our thoughts and prayers.
Matt & Jamie Finlayson
http://www.target.com/Angelcare-Movement-Sensor-Sound-Monitor/dp/B0000E262S/ref=br_1_1?ie=UTF8&frombrowse=1&qid=1276886123&searchView=grid5&sr=1-1&node=1041936&searchRank=pmrank&searchPage=1&rh=style_name%3AMovement%20Monitor&searchSize=30&id=Angelcare%20Movement%20Sensor%20Sound%20Monitor&searchBinNameList=purchasing_channel%2Ctarget_com_category-bin%2Cstyle_name%2Ctarget_com_brand-bin%2Ctarget_com_primary_color-bin%2Cprice
http://www.toysrus.com/family/index.jsp?categoryId=3243632
I remember watching Lisa, Jas and Ian sleep until they twitched or moved. I would sometimes put a finger on their chests to feel their hearts beat. Each was scary, each was like operating on frozen time. But just like you, I left my doubts in the Lord's hands. The hardest thing for me was to stop watching them sleep so I can sleep and start it all over again...
Your faith is amazing, Crystal. Big Hugs!
I'll second the Angel Care monitor. I was think about it before I read the comments. I was lucky and walk in to catch my son turning Blue and not breathing. He was given a blessing and rushed to the ER and was fine. But, it took a long time for me to feel secure again. The nurse told us about the monitor and it worked. He's 4 today. He slept on it for almost 2 years. I'm still fearful of his sleeping. Have Faith and know so many have learned from your trial. I pray that peace will be with you. Enjoy!
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